It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
