I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
