Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
