I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
