She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
