I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
