I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
