pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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