Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
