so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
