By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want a musical about memes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
