There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
