And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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