The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
