she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
