just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize