There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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