cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
not ubering you a puppy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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