I got chris browned last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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