Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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