I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The air was thick with penises
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
