i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
