Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
