I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
