It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
