Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
