i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
