whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
