Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize