Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
