Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize