i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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