In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
