Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
