Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
