Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Houston, we have a squirter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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