my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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