I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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