this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
