9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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