community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
