she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize