you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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