i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
