I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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