Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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