boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
