whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
