You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
