just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
