He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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