white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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