I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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