Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
