3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want is dick and wine.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
