Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
