This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
