Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
