I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
