I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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