i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
