That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
