I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
