I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
