I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
