I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
