guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am available for nakedness
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize