WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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