party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
