Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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