He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
