I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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