Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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