1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
