So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
